Taser Tick-Offs
by TheLeaperOfPellinor
Summary: Loki and Thor are living with Jane and Darcy in their house/lab, and Loki and Darcy butt heads from time to time. The first story's about driving mishaps, but hopefully it will become a series of one-shots.


Taser Tick-Offs

**A/N: This is a one-shot (or perhaps series of one-shots) where Darcy ticks Loki off or vice versa. It's sort of AU-ish, but not really. Please enjoy, read, and review. Thanks to jedi gone bounty hunter for the story's name.**

**Almost everything belongs to Marvel, except Criminal Minds (I'm not sure who that belongs to, but it's certainly not me) and the Red Panda Adventures (which belongs to Gregg Taylor/Decoder Ring Theatre).**

Loki's eyes flicked out the window as another loud crash echoed through the street. Thor had hit another trashcan during one of his "driving lessons". Jane had offered to teach him, and Thor had eagerly accepted, no doubt trying to get her out of the lab. It wasn't fair. Thor's life was getting progressively better as Loki's got progressively worse. He'd been exiled to live in Jane and Darcy's house-slash-laboratory after New York, and his magic was bound. Over time he had made Darcy's acquaintance, but their relationship wasn't much more than tolerance. The young mortal was talkative and odd, which was off-putting to Loki.

The sound of another trashcan bouncing down the street broke him of his thoughts. That was it. If the oafish Thor could drive a Midgardian vehicle, so could he. Loki made his way to Darcy's room, where the sound of gunfire leaked through the door. Ignoring the violence, he opened the door. "Lewis," he said sharply, and the gunfire and yelling stopped.

"Loki!" The Asgardian held back a wince; Darcy sounded furious. "You can come in when I'm listening to my iPod, you can come in when I'm watching Criminal Minds, but, unless the house is on fire, do _not_ bother me while I'm listening to a new Red Panda Adventures!"

"I had to talk to you while Thor and Jane were still out, mewling mortal." He held Darcy's gaze for a silent moment, which he knew she hated.

She closed her computer with a sigh. "Fine. It's not like the Red Panda and the Flying Squirrel are fighting off a zombie army or anything."

Loki smirked. "That's the spirit."

A few minutes later, Darcy found herself grumpily seated in the passenger side of her ancient car. "So, Darcy, how does this Midgardian automobile work?"

After a few days, Loki was driving like a pro, though he still insisted on Darcy coming with him so he didn't bounce off buildings like Thor. "Am I your teddy bear, Loki?" She asked one day as they drove to see a movie. Loki normally wasn't in to that sort of thing, but Darcy had said Frozen was "the best thing since The Lion King", so he decided to give it a try.

"Teddy bear? If you mean that as a term of endearment, I assure you we are just friends."

"No," Darcy laughed, "nothing like that. I just mean you don't seem to feel comfortable driving without me."

"That's ridiculous, I can use the car with or without you."

She'd obviously struck a nerve, but Darcy continued anyway. "When human kids are afraid of the dark, they generally have a teddy bear or nightlight to comfort them. It's totally normal…"

"I am not a Midgardian child!"

"Then why are you acting like one?"

"I'm doing nothing of the kind, mortal, and I advise you stop talking before I run us both off the road."

"You don't have your magic, so you'd die too."

"A small price to pay so the Nine Realms may be rid of you."

"I don't think all that many would mourn you, either."

"Where do I turn?" Loki asked through gritted teeth.

"What?" All the malice was gone from Darcy's voice. Now she just sounded nervous.

"Do I go left or right?" He didn't want to admit it, but Loki had lost track of their location.

"I don't know, uh, let me check my phone's GPS." After pressing a few buttons and cursing at the screen, Darcy turned back to him. "There's no signal."

"You don't know what street this is?"

She shook her head. "No idea. The only thing I can navigate is the internet." Loki glared at her. This was not the time for her jokes. "Um, just go right, hopefully I'll get my bars back and we can go home."

They drove for a quarter-hour in silence until Darcy shouted, "Signal! Let's bounce."

"I don't think the car can jump."

Darcy laughed at him. "It's a figure of speech."

"Oh."

When Loki and Darcy finally made it back to the house, Jane and Thor were eating dinner. "How was Frozen?" Jane asked.

"Never saw it," Darcy responded. "Apparently there's a scarcity of cell towers around here."

"Did you know your minion would not be able to find her way out of a paper bag, Dr. Foster?" Loki added with a small smile.

"I'm an intern!"

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please let me know if you think it would be worth it to make this a series of one-shots, and any review is greatly appreciated.**


End file.
